It wasn’t until high school that I really began to see the racism in the small town I grew up in. Basically you had the cowboys versus the Indians at school. There were fights throughout the years and most of the time it involved the white kids against the Indigenous kids. Clearly there was a division amongst the students (this was also the case for the whole town, at the local arena white people had a place to sit and the Indigenous people sat on the opposite side). The high school I attended had a main entrance and a side entrance on the building which faced the street. There was the “white” door and the “native” door. More students from Indigenous communities attended the high school in town. I found solace in making new friends who understood me. The Indigenous students (and some of the other students who were allies) knew which teachers were truly genuine and we knew who had a chip on their shoulder. Throughout the years I have spoken with some former students who were non-Indigenous and they even knew which teachers were prejudice.

Growing up I would always voice my opinion on anything that involved Indigenous people. I was even called a “wagon burner” and “Native activist” by a family member. Needless to say he wasn’t proud like I was about being Indigenous, in fact at times it was like he was ashamed of his background. It saddened me that my own blood would behave in that way, but that’s on his own shoulders. We weren’t raised that way. Lateral violence happens even within family structures, unfortunately.

My first experience with racism happened when I was in grade one or two. I was walking home from school and the neighbourhood kid yelled “you’re nothing but a bunch of Indians!” and then proceeded to do the warrior cry by patting her mouth. I was dumbfounded at the comment because it was true, why would she state the obvious? My reply to her was something that definitely showed my age. I yelled back at her “at least we’re not named after a dog, Brandy!”. In my grade one or two mind the name “Brandy” was a dog’s name because my mom’s friend had a dog named that. I felt pride because I stood up to the neighbourhood bully who was trying to belittle myself and who I am. I can recall my dad always telling me to be proud of who I am, this is something that I have always carried and now I install that same belief with my child.

My dad’s favourite saying has always been “don’t beat around the bush, tell it like it is”. This is a philosophy I have grown up with and embrace in my adulthood. As an Indigenous person I have faced many challenges through my life, as a woman I have seen just as many challenges. Being an educated, Indigenous woman is something I have always held in high regard, unfortunately there are setbacks. One of the biggest challenges I have faced is the fact that as an educated Indigenous woman I have to be ten times better than other people and even when I am, it never seems good enough. A lot of times it seems like an uphill battle regardless of my training, experience and education.

I know writing my experiences leaves me a bit vulnerable and open for judgment, however that is not why I chose to tell my stories. My intent is for people to learn, hear, and understand the battles faced throughout our lives from the point of view of a minority. I know there are other minority stories out there that reflect mine. My wish is that people see that, unfortunately, there are divisions out there and we need to be change agents and break them down so our youth don’t have as many barriers as we do. I went into the field of education to make a difference, but I find there are constant road blocks which some days are hard to bear, test your strength, and at times question yourself if you’ll ever be good enough to succeed in a system which caused a lot of heartache for your people.

Trauma and Indigenous people. This is something that has affected us in different ways throughout the course of our life time. This blog is a recollection of my experiences and experiences of my family. For me it’s a way to speak my truth and release the negative experiences that sometimes have a way of lingering in one’s mind. It’s time to acknowledge the past and move forward. My hope is that this blog will help others understand a glimpse of what Indigenous people face in our every day lives.