I have not written a post in quite some time as I was finishing my Masters and also in the midst of completing my Masters we suffered a great loss. My husband passed away on June 5, 2024. Our son found him the morning of June 6. That is a day I will never forget. My son texted me at work asking to miss block one because he had science. He was failing anyways and I knew that he was not going to pass. I allowed him on the condition he work on his math at home a bit before heading to school block two. He was okay with that. At exactly 8:37 am my phone rang. I thought it was odd as it was my son and he never calls me while I am at work. I declined the call thinking he butt dialled me. He called again and I declined once again. Then he texted me, “mom please come home now. I can’t wake up dad”. My heart sank reading those words. I knew that it was not good because Brian was not a heavy sleeper. I ran from my classroom and tried to get home as fast as I could. It took me two minutes to get from my classroom to our home. It was the longest two minutes of my life.

As I came around the back of the house Nolen was on the deck and he was talking to someone. I tried to run past him but he was quicker than me and beat me into the porch. We both ran to Brian’s room. I immediately put my hand on his leg and it was ice cold. My heart sank. Immediately I cried, “nooooo!” I left the room as my head was spinning. I couldn’t even think straight.

I ended up in the kitchen and I could overhear Nolen in the phone with someone and I could tell they weren’t listening to him. I grabbed the phone from him and the lady kept asking if we had a defibrillator or resuscitator handy. I told her no and she kept asking more questions. I finally cut her off and said, “he is dead, he is cold. We need someone over here.” I started hyperventilating and couldn’t talk anymore. I think that’s when Nolen took the phone again though I am not even entirely sure.

After the phone call ended Nolen and I ended up on the deck. We cried and cried and hung onto each other. I never heard my son cry so hard before and with so much sadness. My heart hurt for him. His experience the morning of June 6 will be forever etched in his memory.

After texting with me asking me if he can stay home for block one he turned off his fan. He said that something felt off that morning. He couldn’t hear the tv and the house seemed extra quiet. After laying in bed for a little bit he got up and opened up his dad’s door. He looked at his chest and couldn’t see it moving. Nolen shook his dad trying to get him up. He did this three times. At one point in time his dad’s glasses went crooked and his eyes opened a bit. Nolen said that he knew his dad was gone. It was as if he looked right through Nolen. This experience has left him with severe PTSD. Finding your parent deceased is something that no child should ever go through. However, these are the circumstances and we are dealing with as best as possible. I know his dad would have never wanted that to happen.

Given all that has happened to Nolen, I can say with confidence that the education system is not fully equipped to deal with students who suffer trauma. Nolen’s trauma and grief runs deep. I know that it will take a very long time for him to heal and I also know that he will never fully heal. Losing a parent is hard, losing a parent and being the one to find them is extremely painful and difficult. My hope is that one day educators are more trauma informed as many students suffer from trauma.

We are fortunate to have been given the name of a wonderful counsellor who specializes in trauma. She has been a blessing in our healing journey.